If I had done my normal Internet stalking in advance, I would have discovered this. I messaged them both and told them that I just realized I was also talking with their friend.
Turns out, these two guys don’t just know each other; they’ve been best friends for over a decade. It happens to us all the time.” They say that if it comes down to it later, they’ll respect my choice about who I want to keep seeing.
That’s not to criticise your reaction or suggest it’s unreasonable for you to feel this way.
Just to encourage you to think about why this fills you with dread rather than it being a cause for celebration?
Whereas before I was the connection between them, they’re now closer to one another, in some ways more than they are with me, and I’m having trouble finding my place in this new dynamic. Beforehand, I made each of them pinky swear to keep me out of the loop because my brother was a serial dumper and the friend was the kind of person who NEVER LISTENED WHEN YOU TOLD HER THAT MY BROTHER WAS DEFINITELY GOING TO DUMP HER.
How can I support their budding relationship without being resentful? So they both promised to leave me out of it and then surprise, surprise, he dumped her and she whined to me and when I said, “You’re not allowed to,” she continued.
We want to publish your story I keep texting with both J. I’m finding interesting things in common with B., and I’m looking forward to meeting him and going on a date.
I think it’s important to remember this is a transition; they are either going to settle in as a couple or not but you’re in the height of all things weird right now—the movie kisses and all that junk.
Writing about how you feel could be a useful outlet, remembering these very strong feelings may subside as you get used to the situation.
If you’ve a friend or family member who you can trust to share your concerns in confidence this may be useful, although you’ll want to avoid this escalating into a family drama.
Sometimes I think the “normal” people are just people you don’t know well enough yet. We talked about relationships with parents, and how many girls have “daddy issues.” I don’t have dad issues. My parents married at a young age, and have a successful marriage. However, neither Jessie or I would have talked about this stuff so soon without having the therapist as a soundboard. I spent five years seeing a therapist, so this isn’t strange to me.
I wonder if that is part of the reason I am always trying to find the right person and why I feel like such failure when a relationship doesn’t work out. Jessie is currently in therapy, so it’s all good with her too.